Fresh off my appearance at Maya’s 3rd grade Farter-Daughter Dance 2018, I attended Joaquin’s Kindergarten field trip to the The Aquarium of The Pacific in Long Beach, CA.
I wasn’t there in any official capacity but as you quickly learn, any and every parent is a chaperone.
Chaperone is French for “one who stares at phone.”
We were there on what must’ve been International Let Your Students Run Amok Day. Directions to Aquarium were straight forward. Parking was a breeze, while traffic home was a pain in the ass…but it did give some time to reflect on the experience.
Here are 3 Not So Obvious Reasons To Tag Along On Your Kids’ Field Trips
1.Captain of the Relationship
The field trip reminded me that he’s “my son” and I’m “his dad.” He was introducing me to his friends as his version of “dad.” Many parents met Joaquin for the first time and I was meeting kids with familiar names, too. I was wiping snot and taking names.
And the parents, the parents were everywhere. More on that later.
2. Kids Are Creepers
It’s depressingly easy to lose sight of kids at this age. They’re attracted to everything. The kids who had parents on hand felt free to roam, and those orphans who didn’t operated with even more license. And, hey, kids aren’t the only folks distracted in a place like this.
They’ve spent millions and millions to keep visitors fixed on the attractions, is it any wonder I wondered where Joaquin wandered? And where’s what’s her name? Shit.
“What’s your name, where are you?”
“Have you seen what’s her name?”
“What was she wearing?”
Hey, I’m not even a chaperone.
Or am I?
3. They Said Who Said What?
When parents gather, important information is shared–information stored up in our bones. Chisme, perhaps… but it’s important chisme. For example, I caught wind of dilapidated temporary classrooms with a history of poisoning students!
Dafuk? The district office, principal and teachers complicit?
Huh?
And I got all this over a bag of Cheetos. Had lunch been longer I’d likely know where the bodies are buried on campus. For now, I’m guessing…under one of those temporary shit hole classrooms.