Throwwwwed.
Hot sauce?
Chile?
Salsa?
The nomenclature can be befuddling.
But that taste tho.
This is a regional beaut, from Tucson, Az and was a staple of my upbringing.
This is the bottle in the kitchen of my youth.
Fuxwitme.
Hip Hop Pops: Judah 1
As the name implies, Hip Hop Pops is a series of interviews with Dads who’ve carved out careers in hip hop while raising a family.
That shit aint easy but some of us be bout it bout it. Peep my Hip Hop Pops interviews with Propaganda and Red Cloud, for examples.
Although some might be tempted critique hip hop culture as morally negligent (if not worse), one of the first verses I committed to memory was 2 Pac’s poignant critique of sexual abuse and unintended pregnancy. 25 years later, this cut still hits hella hard:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GwVLMJrwKyM
“Brenda’s got a baby but Brenda’s barely got a brain/
damn shame the girl can’t even spell her name/
‘That’s not our problem, that’s up to Brenda’s family’/
But let me tell you how it affects our whole community”
After listening to this cut again, I forgot how much of an impact it had on me as a youngster. It’s another example of the conscious hip hop that was taking root in the early 90’s.
Today’s Hip Hop Pops, Judah 1, is an extension of that early hip hop consciousness.
Judah 1 hosts the monthly LionLike MindState in Downtown Pomona, CA and is re-releasing his second book, Child of the Sun and Man of the Moon.
Peep the divine science.
BBD: Tell us about the birth of your daughter.
Her crown was too heavy. We were at 3cm of dilation for 3 days. So, we opted to induce labor. We prayed, we were ready, we entered boldly, I think. Alas, Aariyah crown was too great so we delivered by C-Section. That when the most glorious scream happened. A star scream, truly. Bless God.
BBD: How did you decide on a name?
Until the day before the ultrasound we were convinced we were having a boy. We just knew it. She wanted to named him David Jr. I wanted to name him “Amun” or “Djeli” “Jonah” “Judah” I had so many names. Me and her Mom argued. It was not joyous. The night before her Mom said, maybe she’s a girl…and that thought had been resonating in my Spirit. She said “If it’s a girl, let call her Oriyah” and I agreed but the name sounded familiar. Ariyah is a name of a Fela Kuti song. I suggested, “Aariyah,” in Hebrew “Ari” is Lion and “YAH” is God or the air.
BBD: What’s the best piece of advice your Mom/Dad gave you about parenting?
My father really didn’t have much to say. My mom proud I finally had a child and overwhelmed that it’s a girl. Just love her and make the time for her. They are both convinced I’ll be a great Father with good lessons.
BBD: What’s your view on spanking?
We will not spank our daughter because spanking is not necessary. I’ve never had to hit anyone my entire life, my voice should be enough.
BBD: What type of music does she like?
I play classical for her and hip hop instrumentals and freestyle over them. She loves it. FELA! And her Mother plays Little Dragon for her.
BBD: How has your poetry been impacted by Fatherhood?
I have yet to find words to describe the joy in my heart. I sing to my daughter. She literally takes my words from my lungs. I couldn’t say much more than “Hey You” for the first 2 months. Literally can’t talk. Strange. But we sing. Her eyes cause such a stillness in my spirit. No words. We hum.
Seriously, Cereal?
Don’t get me wrong, I’m as disgusted with the millennials’ addiction to technology as you are.
But before there was this:
There was this:
As a youngster, I devoured the back of cereal boxes with as much enthusiasm as when I plowed through their sugary deliverances. I loved the games: serpentine mazes, simple word searches, even the confusing games of tic-tac-toe with Cheerios.
At the time I wasn’t aware the back of the cereal boxes were primarily a way for marketers to keep consumers engaged kids enslaved to their brand. And for this reason, cereal boxes are great cultural artifacts; they provide a snapshot of what advertisers of a given age think children of a given age want to see.
So, as I’m sitting in the kitchen waiting for my children to bum-rush the set, I thought I’d take a closer look at the cereal boxes in my house.
Let’s start with Posts’ Honeycomb.
The front of the box is straight-forward. While shopping, though, I noticed nearly half of the cereal boxes are yellow. And that’s definitely no accident.
The font takes its cues from the rounded letters of old school street art, with COMB looking a lot like BOMB. I can’t front, I like the idea of a honey bomb. I wonder why, though, they felt bound by grammar conventions and included a hyphen between honey-comb (which is one word, Honeycomb), when they felt free to flout the rules of capitalization?
Now, let’s turn to the back of the box.
RU Honeycomb 2 UR Core? Again, I’m confounded by their arbitrary adherence to grammar conventions. IDK about U, but I never conjoin RU. Who does that? And if RU means “Are You” then doesn’t UR mean “You are?” By attempting to speak in a youthful vernacular, they’ve confused the shit out of us all.
IT’S NOT WHAT YOU DO, IT’S HOW YOU MAKE IT YOURS. Solid. I can live with this tag line.
MAD ABOUT MUSIC? I think they’re using “MAD” as slang for “CRAZY” which is slang for “DEEPLY INTERESTED” which is “GROOVY” if not 20 years outdated.
ARE YOU A GAMING GURU? No, I’m 8 years old and I don’t know what a GURU is but I do know what a desperate attempt at alliteration looks like!
LIVE TO SKATE? You know it. Why do you ask? Seriously. What does my interest in skating have to do with the taste of your cereal? If you’d provided a maze on the back of the box, at least I could’ve pretended to be skating my way through the labyrinth. But this here reeks of pandering, as does the picture of the skater who needs a haircut, badly.
And what would heavy handed marketing material be without a call-to-action?
SHARE YOUR VIDEOS, PHOTOS AND IDEAS SHOWING US WHAT MAKES YOU AN ORIGINAL LIKE HONEYCOMB.
I sent this.
Sincerely,
Big Brown Dad
Fries With That Shake
She eyeballs me as I approach the soda fountain.
I’m cute… for a 40 year old, I assure myself. That explains it.
Her hairnet sits tightly atop her head and cuts off circulation.
Well, maybe THAT explains it.
And then she makes her move.
‘Excuse me, sir. You can’t get soda if you have a water cup!’
‘B!t*h, this is a soda cup,’ I murmur.
‘Huh?’ But..but this..this IS a soda cup!’
I grow bolder with each step and I’m indignant by the time I reach the fountain.
‘Why, are you the damned soda fountain police or something?”
My volume goes from 7 to 9.
‘If so, get on filling the ice because this shit is empty.’
I march stridently back to my table.
When I sit down, I compare my kids’ water cup to my soda cup and what ya know? Same damned cups, same damned size.
But that’s on them tho.
Forty Days Till Fit or Fat @ Forty
Old like really, old like old with an E, Olde!
Shit. I turn 40 in 40 days. And it strikes me that I have a choice to be either fat or fit by forty and I have exactly forty days to secure my fate. Fuck. Forty.
I need to do it for me. I need to do it for my wife and kids. I need to do it for my mattress and box spring.
I’ll document it here to help keep me accountable. Research suggests social pressure (in the form of not wanting to appear to be a fucking failure) increases my chances of following thru, even if only negligibly in my case.
I’m essentially following the guidelines laid out in Tim Ferriss’ 4 Hour Body. I’m eliminating sweets, wheat/carbs for 6 days a week and focusing on lean meat, beans and greens. He calls it the slow-carb diet. But I would love to hear what type of books helped change your way of thinking about food, nutrition and the body. I know by keeping my head in the literature, I’ll have more reason to say no to all the tasty shit screaming my name.
this is on the kitchen counter, right in front of me, right now!
My 40 day hit list includes:
Eating Animals by Jonathan Safran Foer
Omnivores Dilemma by Michael Pollan
Salt, Sugar, Fat by Michael Moss
What should I add?
Grill N Chill: Rib Eye, Aye, I
When Big Brown Dad launched the Grill N Chill series I had one thing in mind: food …and learning how to cook it!
And I’m a Progressive. I commiserate with both pork-forkers and beef-teethers. Even the chickenese are welcomed in my home. It’s America for heaven’s sake!
raise it up!
Our next fire starter in the series is Chino (aka Wing, oka Pookie, fka Chente, ska LilBigVince). He’d appreciate it if you played his favorite song during the reading of this post.
Uncle ChinoWingChenteLilBigVincePookie Wants You to Join his Army! And by ‘You’ he means all single ladies 18-25 1/2.
And ChinoWingChenteLilBigVincePookie is stepping to the plate with that bone-in Rib Eye from Stater Bros. His first order of business is allowing the meat to get to room temp.
meet meat, mate.
Then he uses an LA County Fair Blue Ribbon winning family recipe gleaned from Uncle Dale: salt, pepper, garlic powder and onion powder–a combo ChinoWingChenteLilBigVincePookie says is impossible to overuse before cooking since it serves to encrust the steak. (Yes, excessive seasoning after cooking will kill your dish.)
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- Talk to your meat before you touch it, says ChinoChenteWingLilBigVincePookie
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- The Flintstones can’t fade this.
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- Grill N Chill
The coals are lit w/o using lighter fluid as it can seep into the taste of the food. The coals are then spread evenly through the pit for direct grilling. Rather than using a timer, he’ll put each steak through a touch test to determine how cooked it is.
Big Brown Mom came thru with the mash potatoes, french bread and basil, tomato and mozzarella.
ChinoWingChenteLilBigVincePookie looks for color definition when he cuts open his steak…and as you can see… we got a winner! And bone-in means your pooch grub, too!
This steak was hearty, flavorful and moist. And it probably tastes better than yours. You disagree? Then come over to Grill N Chill! We’ll have these waiting:
Big Brown Dad
Grill N’ Chill: Pork Tenderloin
I shan’t front. My BBQ skills are mad basic. (Insert obligatory meat handling joke here.)
well, done.
Summer ’14 might be swimming to a finish but I’m not setting aside my BBQ grill just yet. I need to learn how to grill sumptin’ grate great.
So I decided to enlist the help of the homies by initiating Grill N Chill, a series of posts where friends roll thru Big Brown Dad HQ to grill their signature slab of protein while cold, cole, col’, chilling.
The first fire starter is Justin Gutierrez, my homie since our college days of passing out the 4 Spiritual Laws in Old Town Pasadena! I’ve been to his house enough times to know that this dude don’t play on the grill. I was gonna learn something.
The first pointer, create a pile of charcoal on one side for cooking over direct heat and leave the other side empty for cooking over indirect heat.
JG came thru with two 3 lb slabs of Pork Tenderloin. The first was marinaded overnight with Trader Joe’s 21 Season Salute and the second with apricot jam, garlic pepper and salt.
looking rather…um, loin-ish.
Justin seared the tenderloin by cooking all 4 sides over direct heat for 2 minutes before moving it to indirect heat for 8 minutes on 2 sides. He was serious about keeping to time, too. He used a stopwatch… and pistol. Bang!
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- total cook time: 24 minutes
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- cauliflower mash on smash and pastrami salad ftw
Justin’s wife, Connie, came thru with the cauliflower mash and pastrami salad. It was my first time trying both and they were out of this world. If that wasn’t enough, she also brought some delectables from her business, Brown Box Bakery, a diabetic friendly, gluten-free sweet spot based in Highland Park.
Orange Bunditini named after their propensity to magically disappear.
We chased our eats with equal parts wine, beer, tequilla and Dr Pepper. We laughed at our in-laws, recounted poor bedside manner and laughed at our in-laws again.
The inaugural Grill N Chill was a blast and set the bar high. Now, you’re up!
Coffee Battle: Jack in the Box vs McCafe
It’s 5:30 a.m, the wife and kids are asleep and in between tossing and turning all I can think about is the first cup of coffee filling my gullet.
eye need coffee, now.
But I can’t get up and make my own. I’ll make too much noise. The click, click, click of the stove and the electro-whir of the grinder is reportedly, ‘…too damned loud right now.’ Reportedly.
So, where should I go for my fix of Joe? I had two choices: Jack in the Box or McCafe? Since I’m a baller, I decided on both.
Jack In The Box
As it happens, In N Out isn’t the only spot with an off-menu, menu. At JITB, you can order the unlisted, discounted Senior’s Coffee for $.75 instead of the MSRP of $1.19. And they (usually) don’t ask for ID! And if they did, you can say (as some reportedly have) ‘…it’s for my Grandpa!’
My Grandpa put the G in Grandpa…b/c he thought Randpa sounded wack.
Now, I drink my coffee black, Jack. Adding sugar and cream is like drinking a pink, mixed-drink….at a club named Metro…while wearing skinny jeans, nahmean? But a friend of a friend likes sugar and cream and to my, er, his, er, her chagrin, JITB refuses to add them directly into the coffee. They’ll only hand you the packets. Now that’s some ol’ un-American bullshit if I’ve ever heard it.
Sip. Sip. Swish. Spit.
Judge Judy ain’t bout that life.
The Verdict:
I regret to inform you that this cup of coffee tastes like it was made at a Motel-8, biked over in the rain and then microwaved. And I didn’t know microwaves had a lukewarm setting. Keep your $ .75. You might need it for later.
McCafe
First things, first. The McDonald’s drive-thru menu is a beauty to behold. The colors, the images, the layout, the packaging…it’s mesmerizing…as if they’d spent millions and millions of dollars researching which layout compels us to spend more money [insert sarcmark here].
While the McCafe doesn’t offer a senior discount their Dollar Menu has fed more old folk than the local Elk’s Lodge. Never mind Ronald McDonald House, the Dollar Menu was Ron’s greatest gift to the world.
Strike that. Putting cream and sugar directly into your coffee is Ron’s greatest gift to the world.
I grab the coffee, place it between my legs and drive-off while pumping my brakes intermittently. Now this feels go000od.
I pull my first sip. And then a second. A third. And then it hits me.
This is why they invented Starbucks!
Covina Eats: P&G Super Burger
Chris. Tommy. Jim. Victor. Manny.
Chris’ sign is here rather than P&G because I have a disease called representationitis.
If you grew up in the San Gabriel Valley then your neighborhood had a local burger joint named after a fat uncle from Crete.
My gyro!
My approach to these greasy spoons (wait, that IS grease…right?) has always been to eat at the one nearest you. For us, that’s Covina’s P&G Super Burger on Citrus.
Now let me just come out and say it because I can’t restrain myself for much longer: these mofux straight charged me $.50 for a second 1 oz container of salsa. My face turned redder than their watered down Tapatio. I wouldn’t have been so upset if their salsa wasn’t so…damned…good!
With that said, the primary problem here is at the register. The women who know most about the menu knows least about the English--and that’s not a xenophobic, nativistic diss either. It’s just the sober analysis of a former long-term substitute instructor for BUSD Adult Ed ESL 1-2 who had an impossible time adding bacon to a cheeseburger, nahmean. I’d recreate a conversation below but I never know what in the hell any of them are saying–and that’s not a xenophobic, nativistic diss either. It’s just the sober analysis of a former long-term substitute instructor for BUSD Adult Ed ESL 1-2 who had a hard time adding bacon to a cheeseburger, nahmean.
Peep game, I will not post pictures of their food. You’ve seen a $3.00 hamburger before, right? Same thang, right here. Chili-fries, onion rings, pastrami…everything an artery needs to call it quits can be had here…or at Chris’, Victor’s, Jim’s…ad nauseum.
So, if you’re in the neighborhood and craving a burger….drive another two miles to IN N OUT on Grand.
Big Brown Dad
How To Eat For Free, Forever (In 24 easy steps)
I outfoxed that circle-headed Jack N The Box and figured out a way to eat for free, forever.
This entire ruse is built on @GoldPeakTea (which, btw, is as good as industrial Ice-T gets). I take about 5 to the face each week. Participating JNTB’s are selling 44 oz of that elixir for only a dollar. That’s love. And if that’s not enough, enterprising fast food fiends like you and me can turn that dollar into two free tacos, literally, ad nauseam.
Every JNTB receipt invites you to take a phone survey. Your reward? You guessed it, two tacos for that fast-food fix. And as one in perpetual pursuit of the come-up, I wondered, could I game this system?
I had 4 valid receipts that met the 3 day purchase window.
Each purchase was a dollar. How long would it take me to run through 4 consecutive phone surveys and claim my 8 tacos? Were they going to stop me? You’re about to find out!
read’em and weep.
- Survey 1: TRT 3:00 I ran through the entire gauntlet of questions and was given a redemption code.
- Survey 2: TRT 1:27 After inputting general receipt data, I answered one question and was shuttled to the end and given a redemption code.
- Survey 3: TRT :50s Only input general data and then given code
- Survey 4: : TRT 45s ditto
Total Run(s) TIme
Now, I just have to find someone with the intestinal fortitude that wants to eat these pieces of shits.