No one said it would be easy…or fair…or just…but a decision must be made.
Precedent must be established.
The law of the land must be settled.
Who better to lay it down than children, unsullied by prejudice and experience and common sense?
Remember that Latinx Trump supporter who told us to be scared, because if Hillary were elected there would be taco trucks on every corner?
Dude was right.
Here are 8 reasons why taco trucks on every corner remains a terrible idea:
8. I’ll be forced into a perpetual cycle of “How many tacos can I eat in one sitting?”
7. Increased likelihood I’m ordering after a white guy who speaks better Spanish than me (shot-out Mormon missionaries, I see tu’).
6. In the first week, I’ll lose three fingers from frostbite after digging out my Mexican Coke from under the avalanche of shaved ice.
5. I’ll have to tattoo BOTH on my forehead, so as to expedite the “Rojo Or Verde” inquiry and then, PARA LLEVAR, on the back of my head.
4. My ATM withdrawal fees will skyrocket 47,000% because CASH ONLY?! Really? In 2018?!
3. More trucks means more tacos means less tortillas means more expensive tortillas. Supply and demand, bruh. We learned this in Holmes Economics.
2. If taco trucks are on every corner, where will I buy my Slurpee, cash my check or pawn my watch?
1.
Mexicans
A version of this article originally appeared on Pocho.com
Do you remember when Al Gore took “YouTube” to broadcast with the ill fated Current TV?
I do.
Shit was dope.
Short-form video programming tapped into the subcultures around the world.
At some point I’ll need a full reckoning on why the model failed–and why the Current TV archives can’t be accessed–but until then, you can enjoy an occasional POD (that was the nomenclature–and it sure beats mini-doc, or short doc or wdvr).
Real deal, Current TV game me the opportunity to produce about a dozen pods, all featuring Latino life in one respect or another–including a paid McDonald’s campaign where I flexed some poetics.
I’ve only had a chance to upload a few but I’ll start to roll them over the next few weeks here.
This is a pod I produced with Don Q, my long-time collaborator. Produced in ’07, we sensed then that Baja was changing. 11 years later, the renaissance is in full swing.
Enjoy:
First and foremost, I am a consumer rights activist.
I view all things through the lens or my capitalist overlords. As a result, I’m committed to leveraging market forces (like disdain) for good.
In this episode of CWBBD, I ring the alarm on McDonald’s wayward ways. You’ll have to watch to see.
This episode was taped remotely in Corpus Chrisi–shot out Salinas.
Here’s a syllogism:
1) Our kids love Teen Titans Go!
2) We love our kids.
3) Therefore: We love Teen Titatns Go!, too.
How much?
Enough to get revisit last year’s Halloween costumes for this year’s movie debut.
Bruh, we weren’t invited to the screening; we rolled to Covina AMC 30 like this, my G.
I slept through 20 minutes of the movie. The kids tell me it was good. I told them the sleep was even better.
As many of you know, Big Brown Mom and I were married in Oaxaca City in 2007.
10 years later, we returned to celebrate with children in tow.
One year after that, I’m publishing some of the family exploits.
Oaxaca is widely heralded for its cuisine, so we figured we’d learn to make some ourselves.
We took the Casa Crespo 2 hour “Cookig w/ Chocolate” class with Oscar.
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It’s $40 per person, regardless of age. I asked for a children’s discount, he rebuffed my offer and I paid retail. Can’t knock the hustle, I guess.
The location was a short 5 minute walk from Santo Domingo Plaza.
The kitchen was a perfect controlled environment for the kids and Oscar amended the menu so that it was kid-friendly (i.e., vegetarian). I don’t think the taste suffered as a result.
Maya (8) was able to fully participate, doing some roasting alongside some chopping and mixing. Joaquin (5) had a tough time with the scissors and knife but was a master at tortilla rolling.
We made mole, ice cream, croquettes, mind blowing varieties of tortillas and banana leaf tamales.
And then we chased it all down with a bottle of wine from Valle de Guadalupe (Baja California, we see you).
I’m a big fan of taking classes & guided tours when visiting a new town. They give us a chance to connect w locals, increase our knowledge and generate even more questions. Oscar is seasoned.
I’d highly recommend this class. The other courses I saw advertised were full day and more than twice the cost.
We look forward to trying these recipes at home!
Listen, all the world’s a stage…so don’t get judgemental when I pull up a seat and enjoy the show.
The truth is, these family YouTubers are to blame for all this. My kids watch something called FGTV and I overhear them engaging in silly taste tests of this or that sort, and sho’nuff Maya initiated this Tabasco challenge.
True to form, Joaquin wanted in, too.
Wait for the end of the video. I second guessed the wisdom (and legality) of posting his video, but his life loving spirit beamed at the end of the clip, so we’re good.
On the second day, he created…
In the beginning…
I’d rather eat canned menudo than whatever is cooking in your kitchen.
I said it and don’t regret it.
The reasons are simple and clear, here are four:
Convenience: Forget waiting for Christmas, New Years or someone to die. With canned menudo, you can get your ‘cow intestine and corn’ fix 24 hours, 7 days a week.
Uniformity: The problem with menudo is that every abuela makes it differently. You never know what you’re going to get. By letting robots sort and can our menudo, we know what we’re getting with each delectable bite.
Cost: It takes 12 hours to prep, 12 hour to cook and 36 hours to digest a properly fashioned cauldron of homemade menudo. Who has that time? Ingredients for 3 gallons of menudo will set you back $75. Who has that money? Not you.
Taste: Menudo is an acquired taste; nobody comes out of the womb craving spicy, calf innards. If you can acquire the taste for your Abuela’s menudo, then rest easy because the hint of aluminum in each can of menudo can be stomached, too.
Listen, I’m not trying to cause a fight. If I wanted to do that, we’d talk about your mom’s nasty salsa.
Till then.