Earth? Yeah, I can dig it.

We left Home Depot with a little over $60 in drought tolerant plants as well as some lettuce and cauliflower for Big Brown Dad’s ruffage patch.

Let me guess. You want me to drive, too?

We’re converting the borders along our backyard, one small section at a time.  Apparently, fallen leaves with orange peel on dusted mulch isn’t a Home and Garden approved aesthetic.

Two interesting notes about Home Depot:

1) They have a year long plant guarantee.  If your plant dies within a year you can bring in the dead plant remains with proof of purchase for an exchange.  Morbid much? But I see right through this coy marketing scheme.  For starters, most people aren’t keeping receipts around for that long.  Even more, if I kept my receipts, I’d be too damned ashamed to walk the length of the warehouse head-hanging into the garden section with dead plants. Well, maybe not that ashamed.

2)  If you’re looking to engage the services of day laborers stationed outside, you’d be wise to familiarize yourself with union-breaking tactics as the would-be employees have colluded to set minimum wage at $15 p/h. Act like you know.

When we got back from Home Depot, my wife tilled the soil while I posed for pictures. She wanted to take full credit for whatever success might follow.  I wanted photographic evidence that suggested she had help.

Suffering Succatash

Stage 1 Succulents.

These should live and we should propagate.  But the 12 heads of lettuce and 6 head of cauliflower I bought had grimmer hopes.

And lest I be blamed for their death, I enlisted help.  Meet my scapegoats:

Exhibit A

I think I overwatered them while they sat in their trays.  The plants, people!  Not the kids.  Those kids never get water, dammit!

I hesitate to post pictures as it might reify their fate but alas consider it a hope against hope.

See you on the other side, bitches.

Now… excuse me but I have a receipt to fish out of a trash can.

BigBrownDad