Let me give this to you straight.
You’re not built for this.
You’re in over your head.
You’re going to damage a generation of children with your bullshit.
And these are only the things your kids are saying about you.
If you ask your friends, they’d probably point out that:
You don’t know the difference between your, you’re and ur but you know the difference between indica and sativa.
You think Geometry is a conspiracy.
You usually teach by example…bad example.
So, let me help. I’ve distilled lessons culled over 5 years (’98-’01; ’03-’05) of substitute teaching experience in the Bassett Unified School District. This information could save a life…and a tooth.
Your voice is your best weapon, er, instrument for instruction. Start the day with a soft and low tone and then demonstrate to the class that you’ll GET LOUDER when you notice something that disturbs you, like a smile.
Adopt a teacher name. You aren’t Mom or Dad, ur Mr. S. and Mr. S aint taking no S! “Mr. S., you have a roll of toilet paper stuck to your shoe.” S!
Use the internet. No, I’m not talking about giving the kids a web-based assignment. I’m talking about mentally checking out of homeschool and jumping on the internet to laugh at end of the world memes.
Find someone dumber than you and make them your reference point so that you don’t feel bad about how much you aren’t teaching and how much your kids aren’t learning.
Learn an entertaining skill. When all else fails, burping the theme song to Different Strokes can carry the day.
You need help. I’m here to give it. I usually charge, so consider this a hook up.