In the course of a dad’s life, he will run out of clean drawers. In such emergencies, dads of various stripes have resorted to all manner of unhygienic and ill-advised maneuvers.
I’m here to lay down the law for those dads looking to live a more distinguished life.
In descending order, here are the only options available to those dads o’ dignity:
1. Tattered Drawers
The first garment in our line of defense are those drawers previously set aside because of loose waist bands and frayed inseams.
2. Ill-fitting Drawers
Those old pair of boxers you planned on throwing away but kept at the bottom of your drawer for dusting, try them on.
3. Novelty Drawers
Christmas-themed boxers have saved many a moon.
4. Basketball Shorts
We’ve entered Defcon 2 and it’s time to source non-drawer drawers. The super extra baggy jawns aren’t going to work too well–they’ll gather and bunch your bunch and lead to severe chafing–or so I’ve heard. Look for those ABA thigh-high jammies and hope for the best.
5. Inside-Out Steez
When times get hard on the boulevard, you’ll have to do what you gotta doo-doo.
6. Drawerlettes
Break glass only in emergency.
7. No Drawers
To be clear, if you opt for choice #7, I will deny knowing you.