You’re going to damage a generation of children with your bullshit.
And these are only the things your kids are saying about you.
If you ask your friends, they’d probably point out that:
You don’t know the difference between your, you’re and ur but you know the difference between indica and sativa.
You think Geometry is a conspiracy.
You usually teach by example…bad example.
So, let me help. I’ve distilled lessons culled over 5 years (’98-’01; ’03-’05) of substitute teaching experience in the Bassett Unified School District. This information could save a life…and a tooth.
Your voice is your best weapon, er, instrument for instruction. Start the day with a soft and low tone and then demonstrate to the class that you’ll GET LOUDER when you notice something that disturbs you, like a smile.
Adopt a teacher name. You aren’t Mom or Dad, ur Mr. S. and Mr. S aint taking no S! “Mr. S., you have a roll of toilet paper stuck to your shoe.” S!
Use the internet. No, I’m not talking about giving the kids a web-based assignment. I’m talking about mentally checking out of homeschool and jumping on the internet to laugh at end of the world memes.
Find someone dumber than you and make them your reference point so that you don’t feel bad about how much you aren’t teaching and how much your kids aren’t learning.
Learn an entertaining skill. When all else fails, burping the theme song to Different Strokes can carry the day.
You need help. I’m here to give it. I usually charge, so consider this a hook up.
There’s an Angel on my left shoulder and she’s telling me to say “NO” to social media for Lent.
“’But…but…but you work in social media” sayeth the Devil on my right shoulder, in between looking at his IG profile.
‘Ok, then, no non-work related social media for 40 days,’ the Angel screams back at the top of her aching lungs.
Why tho?
Will it hurt?
Mommy, I’m scared.
To add insult to misery, I’m avoiding sugary snacks and wheat (e.g., bread, tortillas, life) for 40 days, too.
Look, I haven’t observed Lent in decades. (More on that later…maybe.)
Why now?
Well, the self-denial could do me some good. What kind of good? I don’t know but we’re about to find out.
So, how’s Day 1 Hour ZERO going, you ask? Well, I’ve already unwittingly checked FB, Twitter and IG while standing idly in the kitchen waiting for my coffee to brew. It’s a curious habit; one I’m looking to break. So, I’ve removed the apps from my phone…but not before impulsively checking them a half dozen times before lunch.
Shit just got real.
While there’s a spiritual root to this exercise, I’m also motivated by material productivity.
I’m hoping I can scratch a few things off my ‘meaning to do but probably won’t’ list, including purging my Inboxes and removing additional time sucking apps from my phone. I’ll be doing some reflective journal writing and I might even meditate every morning.
Catch me by phone or better yet by face. That way I can look into your soul and exorcise the demon of Tumblr and MySpace from you.
You’ll remember that I recently posted an article and video about a great hip hop history book for kids called The Roots of Rap.
The good folks from Little Bee Books put me in contact with the author, Carole Boston Weatherford, and I had a chance to ask her some questions about her work. Enjoy!
Carole Boston Weatherford
Q. What was your relationship with books as a kid? How did your parents help shape that relationship?
I grew up in a language rich environment where books, songs, and family stories were shared. My first career goal was to be a librarian. I even cataloged the books on my shelf and glued card pockets into the books in my collection.
Q. Which children’s books were you eager to share with your kid(s)?
Besides the poetry of Langston Hughes, not many from my childhood. By the 1990s, there were so many more diverse books at their disposal than there had been for me in the 1960s. One of the books that I most enjoyed sharing with them was Faith Ringgold’s Tar Beach.
Q. When did you start paying attention to the ‘authors’ and ‘illustrators’ of your favorite books? What did you notice?
I began to notice when I started sharing books with my children and set my sights on creating children’s books. I was in awe of illustrators like E. B. Lewis, James Ransome and Floyd Cooper. I was inspired by the work of Jacqueline Woodson, Nikki Grimes and Marilyn Nelson. Nelson’s Carver and Woodson’s The Other Side are still mentor texts for me.
Jaqueline Woodson dropping gems.
Q. When did you decide that you wanted to put your stories and books into the world? What was the biggest obstacle in your way and how did you overcome it?
After discovering the new crop of multicultural books available to my children in the 1990s, I transitioned from writing poetry for adults to writing children’s books. I was unagented until around 2014, so my biggest hurdle was getting editors to read my work.
Q. Which of your books had the greatest impact on you while writing it?
Writing the verse novel, Becoming Billie Holiday, was a magical process. She is my muse. When I was writing the poems, it was almost as if she was humming and whispering in my ear. That was the first time that I was aware of channeling a subject.
Q. What’s been the greatest net benefit of having hip hop grow into a global phenomenon?
Hip hop has given youth a voice, a platform to be heard. That is especially meaningful for urban and disadvantaged youth who may feel alienated and disenfranchised from the social, economic and political mainstream.
If you’re interested in the pursuit of books, take a peak at our Big Brown Sunday: Books and Beyoncè article HERE.
If you rock the lead image on this story, be sure to check out the work of my OG, Markski from UWS.
Frankly, the popular image of Latinos in the U.S. as foreigners, aliens even, is retrograde.
Bruh, we’re not trying to learn English, we’re trying to learn Spanish!
The dirty little secret in media and advertising is that Latino-facing companies continue to make money by telling general market brands that we like our content ‘in-language’ (i.e., Spanish), so, “You-know, pay us to do it for you.”
That’s understandable; everybody has to eat but this shit ain’t gonna work for much longer. English dominant, culturally immersed brown folks are the new now.
Wisdom might be free but it’s hard as hell to find. That’s why I’ve excavated the dark recesses of my mind to deliver truth distilled into quippidy-quips.
Try these on for size.
Be the drip you want to see in the world.
If real guns were as hard to unbox as toy guns, we’d have a lot fewer shootings but more self-inflicted stabbings.
Writing is like talking except you use your brain instead of your mouth.
That Hershey can be both a kiss and a squirt is a testament to, what we in the biz call, brand elasticity.
Christmas is a front for the Battery Industrial Complex.
Lord, grant me the power to overcome my trials, the mercy to transcend my wrongs and the vision to determine which piece of shit neighbor let their dog shit my yard.
If you like basking in the light of eternal wisdom, be sure to check Volumes 1, 2, 3 , 4 and 5.
My friend (and comedian) Paul Kim visited me at work 10 years ago today. And that’s when I decided to disclose my secret connection to the Big Kahuna Hussein Obama.
